The Healing That Makes Self-Love Possible.

I have seen so many discussions lately about self-love and the difficulty with authentically feeling that love.  What I see people coming up against over and over is the inability to connect with the love that they want to offer themselves or receive from other people.

Before we can gain the effects of loving ourselves we have to do the healing around what is was that created the inability in the first place.  For me, I had a wound that caused me to feel unworthy and unlovable, what I found was until I did the work on that issue I was not able to receive love from anyone.  I continually thought that people who claimed to love me did not truly love me because however they loved me, I couldn’t feel it. When I finally did the healing work around my sense of unworthiness, I was able to see that all alon
g I had been surrounded by love that was waiting to be let in.

There are different “childhood wounds” that may create this difficulty with self-love.  As children, from the time we are born, we are constantly looking for love.  This can come in 947269_10201351208160579_62486174_nthe form of being held and fed as a baby, having attention paid to us, receiving love, affection and positive reflections from those around us.  When we don’t receive this we can become wounded.  Maybe we were abandoned or our parent(s) didn’t know how to show love.  Maybe we have physical illnesses that created a barrier from receiving what we needed or maybe our disposition just required more attention than another child.  Whatever the reason for the original wound, as adults it is our responsibility to heal it in order to create what we want in our lives.

There are many tools you can use to heal the inner child.

There is a technique where the “now” you and you the child write to each other.  You with your dominant hand and the inner child with the non-dominant hand write back and forth with apologies and openness allowing the inner child to ask for what it needs in order to feel whole.  The first time I did this I thought it was ridiculous.  I was happily surprised to see how strong the effects can be.

You can ask yourself what it is the inner child needs and find ways to make that happen.  If your child self needed to play more then play, blow some bubbles, get a stuffed animal, play with blocks.  If you needed more touch, touch yourself, caress your face, give yourself a hug.  Find someone that you trust that can help you do some of these things.

Offer validation and understanding to the younger you for things they did and things they felt.  It is amazing how strong the power of validation can be.  Just being heard can give a person the ability to conquer anything.

These are a few small things that you can do to begin the healing process.  There is so much information about healing the inner child everywhere you look.  Find something that works for you.  Seek counseling, life coaching, spiritual guidance.  The point of all of this is to heal yourself enough that you can begin the journey of self-love which is one of the most beautiful journeys there is.

No More Resolutions! Resolve to change your life!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!

So, do you have a plan for this new year.  Are you looking for a new beginning?

This is the time of year when everyone is making resolutions to do something different.  Unfortunately, it doesn’t really work that way.  To make a real change in your life more needs to happen than just making a resolution.  Let’s talk about this.  Let’s figure out how to set you up for success.  Really the success is waiting right around the corner for you.  Whether you are interested in starting something new or stopping something old we are going to go through some tools to help you succeed with transforming your life.

Whatever it is you are embarking on it is important to understand how you got where you are and any underlying issues that have contributed to the manifestation of this particular issue.  Know that through healing what is injured within you, you can begin to make changes in the areas that are effected by that injury.

When I am quitting something or beginning something new tFeatured Image -- 126his is a process that I created that works really well for me.  I answered all these questions on paper and took pictures with my phone so that I always had the answers with me in case I needed to look at the answers to remind myself why I was doing this.

Why quit/Why start?  – Ask yourself why.  Why would embarking on this be a good idea.  How would following through with this help you reach your goals or live the life you want to live?

When I stop doing this thing or start doing this new thing, what will I have that I don’t have now? – What freedoms or joy will I gain?  I ask myself what I will gain in all areas of my life.  I want to really paint a big beautiful picture of the many wonderful things you will gain through making this change in your life.

What am I releasing that no longer serves me? – This is so important.  So often the thing that needs to be released is an old story or old trauma.  Sometimes this can be as simple as making the decision to release this “old” thing sometimes there is real work for healing that needs to be done.  Here you can start to name the things that you need to release in order to be successful in your endeavor.  If you are plagued by shaming self-talk then work on releasing shaming self-talk and start healing what has created that dynamic in your life in the first place.

What am I claiming – THIS IS THE BEST PART!  What are you claiming!?  What things are you inviting into your life that are being blocked by doing/not doing this particular thing.  There can be overlap between this list and the “What will I have?” list but this  list should definitely be longer and full of inspiring words that name what you are claiming.

What can I do or do instead? – If you are giving something up it is important to replace it with something else.  Look at the list of things you will gain from giving this thing up.  When you would usually partake in the thing you are giving up, instead do something that helps you progress towards the things that you are claiming.  Whether working on giving up something or beginning something new it is always important to set yourself up for success.  If you are deciding to quit eating sugar don’t go to a bakery.  If you want to start going to the gym daily be sure to schedule it and schedule it for a time when you will be able to go.  If you are not a morning person don’t commit to going to the gym early in the morning.  Ask yourself “what things can I do that will make it easier for me follow through with this decision?”

Affirmations – I create affirmations that speak to the mental, physical and spiritual aspects of the change I am making.  When I am having a difficult time with something it can be useful to use these affirmations in conjunction with tools that I am gaining through following through with all the above questions.

Is this easy?  Sometimes but frequently not.  Can you do it?  Yes!  This is more than a resolution.  This is you making a decision to change your life to create the reality that you want. You can make the decision anytime it does not take a new year.   Sometimes you may have a setback.  This is not a failure.  You can start again anytime you want.  Really, every day you have the opportunity to make a choice.  What are you choosing today?  What is your resolve?