Compassion: a gift for you, a gift for the world!

A friend of mine posted on Facebook “What breeds compassion?”  I love this question.  If we are looking for compassion in our lives one of the most important questions we can ask ourselves is what can I do to offer compassion.  First let’s define what compassion is and isn’t.  Compassion is empathy, listening, support, asking what you can do to help the person through action, words, touch or time.  Compassion is not feeling bad for someone, asking what they are doing wrong, trying to fix it for them or judging them.  When we show someone compassion we create a space for them to be in their truth without judgement and when we are shown compassion we can come to the table without defensiveness and can show compassion in return.

So many of us are feeling a lot of negative emotions right now- fear, loss, confusion and uncertainty.  How can we “breed compassion” in the midst of these emotions?  One step at a time!  Take the time to offer yourself compassion first, then others, then compassion to the thing or person that you are having difficulty with.

When we feel that we are receiving compassion when we feel seen, heard and loved.  So how do you feel those things?  Acknowledge what you are feeling and going through.  See yourself in your dynamic, full paradoxical self.  Ask yourself what you need to feel held and seen.  Do for yourself what will fill your cup and/ or seek out the people who support that for you.  When we are able to show ourselves compassion the compassion we show others becomes more authentic.  It can be hardest to show ourselves compassion because we often judge ourselves harder than anyone else can judge us.  Compassion is not loving someone because they are without fault, it is loving them in the full spectrum of who they are.  The wounded pieces of ourselves that can create our shortcomings are the pieces that need compassion the most.  How can you love your “unlovable” parts?  Compassion.

For many of us, showing others compassion is easier than showing compassion to ourselves.  Being compassionate to others gives them the platform to show up in an authentic and honest way.  Having compassion is not saying that they are perfect or that some unacceptable behaviors are ok. Rather, it is saying “I see you in your complex humanity and you are lovable, you are worthy”.  Imagine how this can transform shame.  When I am in a shame place I am not showing up to express my love or passion.  When I am in shame, I am judging myself so harshly that I fear being seen. When I am shown compassion in this place I become comfortable enough to look at this piece of me and transform it into something that can serve me and others.  I believe we are born love, out of love and into our expression of love.  This love is at the root of our desire for connection and when we show others compassion we are inviting a human connection as opposed to judgements that separate us.  Connection says we are alike; this is compassion.sunSHINE

The hardest things/people to show compassion to can be the things/people that we fear or possibly even hate.  How do we show compassion to the person who so completely lives in disregard to everything around them?  How do we show compassion to the things or people that do things that directly cause us harm?  Now this is a touchy subject.  I by no means believe that people should ever accept abuse or harmful behavior from someone under the guise of forgiveness or compassion.  For my own spirit and mental balance, I may hold compassion for that person.  In my early 20’s I spent 1 ½ years in an abusive relationship. For most of that time I held myself in shame which made excuses for my abuser.  Today I hold compassion for him in my heart.  I have not seen or spoken to him in 12 years but I know he is a wounded soul.  My compassion shows me that because he was raised in an extremely physically and sexually violent home he had no choice to learn these things as a child (which does not excuse him for not learning a different thing as an adult).  I have heard that he is still living the same life he was when I was with him.  He is miserable, self-hating, self-destructive and lost.  I don’t know if he will ever find love for or from others, yet I pray he will because just as you are part of me, he is part of me, we are all connected.  Through seeing the connections of everything we can find compassion for everything.  Through this compassion, I can look at my abuser and know that he acted out of fear and when I am in a place of fear I can also present from a place of anger.  The seeds are within all of us- we are all human.

When we are compassionate to ourselves, our loved ones and our “enemies” we open a healing within us that promotes healing and humanity in our relationships and the world.  I think of the saying “A chain is only as strong as its weakest link” and I think humanity is that chain.  Every link I help make stronger, the chain becomes stronger.  Every link I make weaker, the chain becomes weaker.  What do I want to do with my tools and abilities?  What differences can I make in my family, my relationships, the world, this chain of humanity?  What changes can I make within myself by using compassion?    My hope for the world is that you have compassion for yourself, that is the starting place of a true revolution!

 

Look Within, that is where your wisdom is.

Lately I have noticed that all my blogs are intertwined.  I have written about making boundaries, loving yourself, healing the inner child, looking at cleaning up your side of the street among other things.  There is so much to write about these topics and so many perspectives from which to view them.   Today I again want to talk about looking within, but this time I want to talk to you about looking within in order to find your own wisdom.  Recently someone asked me if there were any books or YouTube videos I could recommend that would fix their issues and problems.  Nope, sorry, there are no simple fixes to healing.

Don’t get me wrong, there are many books, teachers and videos that can inspire you and spark a flame with in.  These things do not heal you.  You heal you.  My most influential teacher is Alisa Starkweather and going through her program Priestess Path (a women’s mystery school) has helped me grow into the person I am.  Through my interactions with her and going through the process of her program I was given the opportunity to learn tools and models to integrate into my healing.  She is an amazing facilitator but I had to do the healing.  I had to look at my beauty and my ugly, my present, past and future, my dishonesty and my shortcomings; only through doing this was I able to heal.

Yes, find a teacher, a life coach, a therapist, these people can help you process your healing, they can help point out healing that needs to take place.  Remember, when it comes down to it, it is only you who can heal you.

Make the choice – Decide you are ready to change your life.  Healing will change your perspective, change your story and
change your dynamics with yourself and others.  Making this choice means you no longer accept excuses from yourself, you let go of limiting thinking that hinders your progress and you take one step at a time towards your future.

Allow the fear and release it – Is this withinpicscary? YES!!!!!  Anytime we step out of our comfort zone it is scary.  This is the fear that stops us from healing and stops us from changing.  Remember there is always choice.  Take one step forward, take one step back and then take a step forward again.    Ask yourself, is it worth walking through this fear in order to get to your healing?  If it is worth it (I always think it is) then allow yourself to feel the fear and keep walking forward anyway.  After walking through your fear you find your truest self.

Be committed to your process – As I stated above you may take one step forward and one step back but keep stepping anyway.  There are times along the road where a lot of your issues get stirred up and you may find yourself acting out on behaviors that do not serve your greatest good, keep going.  All the gunk may be getting stirred up, this can serve to show you what needs to be cleaned up.  This is a sign you are heading in the right direction.

Own your stuff –   Ok, this can be a touchy area.  If you were abused, I am not saying to own that.  I am saying that it is up to you, to heal from the abuse.  Sometimes victims get stuck in the abuse paradigm, waiting for the abuser to heal you is not beneficial.  The abuser may make amends or go away but it is still your job to take care of yourself and give yourself the healing you deserve.

More owning your stuff – frequently because of our past we develop coping mechanisms and behaviors which are detrimental to ourselves and people in our lives.  Own your stuff, admit where you are wrong, look at changing behaviors in order to live a happier life.

Heal – This is where the real change comes.  Looking at your past, the reality of what has happened and how it has affected you is where you shift the things that are limiting you and holding you back.

I get that this is easier said than done.  I have cried countless tears though healing and there have been times where I have stopped dead in my tracks not wanting to take one more step forward on the journey.  Then I remember that I am responsible for my future and off I go again.  This is your path, your map and your choice.  As you go through your healing process and you look with in you will find that under all stuff that was needing healing your wisdom has been waiting there for you all along.   This is your journey, head in the direction of your wise one.